Men's SWAG

The Dating Game “Rules of Engagement”: What Do You Really Want?

They say love can make you do crazy things, but sometimes it isn’t love that is at the root of your crazy actions at all. Many times, outside pressures can cause a man to make decisions before he or the woman he is dating/hooking up with/talking to are ready for them. Expectations of the friends and family around you, or just a desire to finally have SOMEONE can make you think you want something that you don’t actually want at all. In short fellas, we MUST know where to draw the line and where our comfort zone is with the person we’re with. We also must consider what that person wants. If they truly want a relationship, but you are not ready that’s ok. Try and find a situation that makes you both comfortable and something that is sustainable for the both of you. Do not let those outside pressures influence your own decisions…in the end none of these outside people have to live with an decision you make about a relationship.

Some important things to consider… Are you ready to settle down with one person? Men (and women, sometimes) go through stages where they don’t want to be tied down, and that’s ok. You need to be completely sure that the person you settle down with is the right person. Sometimes though, it isn’t about the other person, and it’s just about not feeling comfortable in yourself. A very wise person once told me they were “so lost in their own mind and heart and just couldn’t” be with the person they were talking to, because it would be unfair to themselves and the other person.”

Also consider this: how fast are you really comfortable with moving? Some people need to date someone casually for months before they can even make things exclusive…other people can get married after dating for a matter of months. Move at a speed that is comfortable for you. It’s okay to need more time. We just all need to make an effort to properly communicate with those we care about on the subject of what we really want.

Finally, make sure that you SAY WHAT YOU MEAN! Do not tell someone you can’t be with them just because you don’t know what the other options are. Sometimes you need to just be able to fully communicate how you feel about a situation and the moves you want to make either forward or backwards. Sometimes you’ll be surprised at the way the other person is feeling and the suggestions they make. Sometimes they will say just the right thing to keep the two of you from falling completely apart and being unable to ever recover from an incorrect and hasty decision.

So now a challenge to all of our readers. Tell the one you care about or are just hooking up with what you REALLY want/need and don’t be afraid of the response. Work on real communication and being able to focus on what the two of you want because in the end, that’s all that matters. 

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